This is something that turns a good day into a bad one. I dread these encounters and I honestly don't see them often, but when they do happen it can be damaging to one's good spirits. These "messes" can range from the simple pee break on the kitchen floor to throwing up on your new Nikes. Or worse, just throwing up your Nikes.
Some of you have perfect angels and have never experienced my list of messes. Others may have their own items to add to this list, and if so, please let us know on Facebook or in the comments here.
Here are the top five messes I see every so often:
💩😷💩 , these are the worse of all messes because not only do they stink, but they are a real shit to clean up. Guilty party usually is hiding or begging for forgiveness when I arrive.
👠👞👟, the inevitable lost sole. Most of us love our shoes and the fear of telling you that your Jimmy Choo is now Jerky Chew makes me want to hide the evidence and pretend I never saw anything. But of course, the truth, much like the newest collection of Yeezys, must come out.
🕶☀️👓, unfortunately, I have a sunglasses fetish and have seen many a pair go missing because someone thought my Burberry sunglasses were an expensive, oddly shaped, plastic rawhide.
🗞📰📓, newspapers, magazines, and books are always easy targets for mass destruction. Paper bits everywhere. See attached photo for reference.
- 💻📱⌚️, electronics are very rare, but I've seen many remotes destroyed. Plastic and rubber does taste like chicken.
As all dog owners know, puppies are the most guilty of said messes, but some dogs never grow out of it. In which, you must crate them or barricade them in one room. Do. Not. Feel. Guilty. That's why we are here, to release them from captivity for 30 minutes for some romping and frolicking without them damaging your belongings. For many dogs, too much freedom sans owner can be overwhelming and scary, which is often why things get chewed up in the first place. If crating them means I don't have to clean up your Time Out Chicago magazines—now (counterintuitively) a larger and simultaneuously much smaller collection—I am thankful.
Luckily, these are all material objects and can be replaced. We love our fur kids unconditionally. Even if they swallowed your brand new Apple Watch whole. FYI, that's never happened. It was just an old Timex and part of your old phone. Same difference really.